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Once in a lifetime (if we're that lucky), we're offered opportunities to climb that great staircase of hope straight to the top and live out our wildest dreams. Yesterday was that day, friends. Yesterday, I went to a tapping of the Rachael Ray show.



She was grand.

IT was grand.

She gave us cookies.

They were grand!

We sat in the FRONT ROW. Oh, it was all too much. I was climbing my staircase too fast, I was getting lightheaded!

That is, until we met her audience warmer-uper (aka babysitter/most likely to roofie your drink-er), a comedian named RC Smith.


Well, hello ladies.

We later came to learn that RC stood for Ronald Charles. Also, that he'd be performing in Brooklyn on Wednesday, upstate New York on Saturday and some casino in Atlantic City on some day in November.

Ronald Charles was a gentle man, with a taste for the more refined woman- it happened to be the woman from Queens sitting behind us who shouted every thought that came to her head, including "WE WANT SANDWICHES" during one segment change, and "MY HUSBAND'S NEVER HOME BECAUSE I'M ANNOYING," during another.

I'm falling. I'm falling down my staircase.

The two went back and forth "casually" while he was "entertaining the audience" during breaks. It was adorable. I was almost back at the bottom of the stairs until who came out?!



Omg, omg, OMG it's PAULA DEEN! The Food Network's most adorable old lady furby muppet!



But seriously, she was adorable. So adorable that a woman next to us cried when she came out. And then her daughters cried. Which pretty much guaranteed them a piece of the food from Paula's cooking segment. Oh, those women were clever.

Luckily, during a segment break, while RC was talking about viagra and the woman behind us was yelling about wanting brownies, we befriended a TV-worn camera man. We talked briefly about comedians and during the next segment break (there were a lot of breaks) he brought us cake from the back! Oh, that camera man was so nice. RC later went on to make fun of that camera man's kneepads, which made me upset. But I had a piece of cake, and I was back on top of my staircase.

All in all the day was grand. We met some characters, ate some cake, I made eye contact with Rachael Ray (numerous times), and I've thoroughly solidified the fact that I will never go to Queens.

Grand.